


Try Again

by kjonginexo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, charming jaehyun, check the notes for a sekai update bc it's coming sister soon, film major jungwoo, i come back after more than a month with an nct fic, i just wanted to write jaehyun, mostly fluff but ends in angst, sorry - Freeform, thats so funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 20:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: Jungwoo likes to watch old DVD's of him and Jaehyun to reminiscence on what he once had.





	Try Again

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i didn't die.  
> i'm writing a sekai smut one shot and hopefully since it's winter break i can bank out an actual sekai fic! i hope you guys enjoyed this, love you, thank you for your support.

“Is it working?” Jungwoo heard himself ask on the TV screen, watching the camera shake a little bit as he tried to figure out if the camera was working. “I don’t know, there’s a little red light,” a voice supplied for him. Jungwoo would recognize that voice anywhere, a soft dulcet tone that sounds like what caramel would taste like, Jaehyun. “That means it’s recording I think,” the camera still hadn’t focused on anything besides the grey sidewalks with cracks running in the cement. Jaehyun’s laughed sounded through the speakers of the television, the camera changes to angle directly at his face, smile in the center of the screen. “Film student doesn’t know how to work his own camera?” His voice was teasing, Jungwoo felt a little smile grace his lips at the tone.

Jungwoo remembers when he first got this camera, it seemed so long ago when he was 20 and shared a dorm with Jaehyun in university. Jaehyun had blonde hair at the time, in the middle of an experimenting phase with his looks. Jungwoo always told him he looked pretty no matter what he did, Jaehyun was drunk on the sense of freedom of doing what he wanted with himself. Jungwoo watched the screen as he panned out now to zoom away from Jaehyun’s face to his torso. Adorned in an oversized white turtleneck and a denim jacket, he smiled at the camera lens nonetheless. His smile always shined bright, Jungwoo still thinks it does as he watches the DVDs. 

“It’s a new camera, Jae, don’t be mean to me this early in the morning.” Jungwoo’s voice echoed, he sounded so much smaller at the time. “Maybe I wouldn’t be mean to you if you actually bought me the breakfast you promised me,” Jaehyun stuck his tongue out, dimples deep in his cheeks as he went back to smiling. Jungwoo had those dimples memorized in his mind, being by Jaehyun’s side since senior year of high school meant he had to endure the charm of his smile. “Okay let's go then sorry I wanted to play with my new camera,” Jungwoo huffed with a whine, making Jaehyun laugh and extend his hand out to the camera. Even when they were best friends they were always more affectionate than the rest. 

“You can play with your camera when we’re eating come on, I want to actually try the blueberry waffles down at the diner.” The video cut off with Jungwoo’s giggle, and a few seconds of black it loaded again to find them at the diner with the camera aimed at Jaehyun and a plate of blueberry waffles with a coffee, four sugars, two creams. “Now we’re back with another food review from the infamous Jung Jaehyun, how do we rate it?” Jungwoo giggled, holding out a coffee-stained spoon over to Jaehyun like a microphone. Jaehyun barely contained his laughter as he cut the syrup-drenched waffle and put a piece in his mouth with an exaggerated hum at the flavor and spoke through a mouthful. “I give it my highest ratings, best waffle the universe could’ve gifted me with, and for that I thank you. Thanks for tuning in, I’m Jung Jaehyun the world-renowned food critic.” Their laughing ended the DVD, and Jungwoo crawled off the floor to swap it out with DVD five, he knew the other ones were Jaehyun studying and not talking much and Jungwoo treating it like a nature documentary. He had seen these enough by now to establish his favorites. 

 

DVD five always started with blurry footage of the two of them in a costume store. Halloween was their favorite holiday since they got to do matching costumes or spend hours trying on different ones for giggles and ridiculous selfies they kept hidden in their phones or posted the good ones on Instagram to flex how amazing their relationship is. Jungwoo remembers bringing his camera out that day, focusing it on Jaehyun who was looking at the weapons and masks, dragging his fingers over a plastic sword with a soft sigh. “I want a real sword,” is how the video starts, Jaehyun sounding genuinely sad about the lack of a sword. 

“You can’t handle a sword,” video Jungwoo comments from behind the camera, and the Jungwoo sitting on the floor in a mess of blankets giggled at the crestfallen expression Jaehyun threw the camera. “Um, what makes you say such an offensive and hurtful statement?” Jaehyun’s blonde hair swished in front of his eyes as he stepped over to Jungwoo, getting a bit closer to the camera. “Do you not remember when you had to get stitches in senior year in home economics when we had to cut onions? Imagine that injury with a sword,” Jungwoo, the voice of reason between the two. Jungwoo remembers when Jaehyun sport the two stitches on his index finger like it was something to boast about, thinking it was super cool, Jungwoo never told him that two stitches didn’t count since he liked seeing Jae be happy like that. 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes but the smile was on his lips, dimples and all, video Jungwoo giggled a bit, “see, I’m right.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes again and gripped at Jungwoo’s free wrist to pull him towards the costumes, then looking towards the lens. “Halloween shopping time is very serious for Jungwoo and I,” another giggle from Jungwoo now as he interrupted Jaehyun, “who are you talking to? No one else is going to see this but us,” Jaehyun’s smile always lit up the screen, shrugging, “what if we do? At least they’ll understand. Let me play host Jungwoo,” he chided playfully before coming back into view completely, stepping back to gesture to the male costumes. “We have unlimited options you see, but I refuse to participate in furry activities unlike someone behind the camera.” 

Video Jungwoo whined loudly, nearly muting out Jaehyun’s laughter since he was close to the microphone. Jungwoo pout at that, Jaehyun’s laugh was always so pretty. “I’m not a furry! I didn’t know what a fur-suit was when I saw it! I thought it would be a funny gag costume!” Jaehyun was still laughing, eyes a bit wet and cheeks a red color, and this is why Jungwoo liked DVD five so much. Not because Jaehyun and Jungwoo filmed their special Halloween tradition, it was listening to Jaehyun laugh. DVD Five cut off there, Jungwoo remembers being pouty after until Jaehyun apologized a few times with a hug in the costume aisle, the thought made him feel warm at just recalling the memory that felt so close yet distant. 

 

Nothing interested Jungwoo anymore on DVD five and switched it to DVD seven, the Halloween party where they dressed as Jack and Rose from the Titanic. Jungwoo remembers himself being so in angst over this Halloween party, and now he watches it as a stepping stone to something that formed their relationship, he likes watching their moments bloom from what was recorded. Loud music boomed through the speakers, muted house lighting somewhere in frat row. As much as Jungwoo cherishes this memory now, he couldn’t remember where he was or half the people he was with, he’ll only remember Jaehyun with his copper-colored dyed hair and loose white shirt and khaki slacks. Jungwoo in his own dress with a wig and makeup on, he looked good as a girl he notes. 

Video Jungwoo stood now with Jaehyun in front of a body mirror, both of them laughing at how they looked before doing the pose together of the Titanic movie poster. Jungwoo could barely make out what they were saying in the microphone, but he heard Jaehyun tell him how pretty he looked until another short male dressed as Mona Lisa approached, named Ten. Jungwoo didn’t dislike Ten but he didn’t like how flirty he was with Jaehyun, Jungwoo now could only laugh at how stupid he was for not noticing his feelings for Jae, or not noticing how Jaehyun wanted him back by how often he ignored all the signs. Even now as he’s watching the video, seeing the displeased pout on his lips as Ten tried flirting with Jaehyun, even though Jaehyun shrugged him off, he couldn’t help but giggle at how obvious they were. 

“Hey! Wanna go outside?” Jaehyun finally spoke over the music, and the camera motioned in a nod, then it went blurry as they head outside and finally the camera swung up to focus on Jaehyun who walked down the street with a soft smile. “You really like filming me don’t you?” Jae asked softly, looking past the camera to Jungwoo. Video Jungwoo must’ve nodded since Jaehyun shook his head with a fond smile. “I’m not sure why,” Jungwoo behind the camera giggled quietly, “I consider you my muse.” Jungwoo wasn’t sure how he didn’t notice the way Jaehyun’s face lit up, how softly he smiled and how it seemed to mean the world to him, or even how genuine his tone was. “I’m honored to be your muse, I’ll be that for you as long as you’d like.” The camera panned to the moon, Jungwoo murmuring, “forever then.” “Forever it is.”

 

Jungwoo skipped over to DVD 34 now, everything else was just stupid moments that they burned onto DVD’s just to watch over, Jungwoo only liked this one since it felt more genuine than the past few where Jaehyun was playing a character. It was finals season, Jaehyun finally let his hair rest at his natural black hair color since he felt a bit too stressed to upkeep the color throughout all his studies. Jungwoo didn’t worry too much about the core subjects since being a film student didn’t necessarily fall back on them, but Jaehyun wanted to be in marketing. Jungwoo remembers how often he’d wake up to see Jaehyun at his desk, asleep with his pen still loose in his hand, DVD 34 was no different. 

The camera panned in on Jaehyun asleep at his desk, video Jungwoo’s soft giggle filled the room from the speakers. He set the camera down on the nightstand to angle perfectly at Jaehyun’s sleeping face against the wooden desk. Video Jungwoo moved away from the camera, one of the rare times he appeared on screen to run his fingers gently through the black strands that looked soft to the touch. He watched his past self gently run his fingers down the back of his neck before shaking his shoulder to gently wake him. The microphone was far but it wasn’t out of range to pick up Jungwoo’s soft voice calling Jaehyun to sleep in the bed, and Jaehyun asking if he could sleep with him. 

They cut out of the frame for a minute, until the camera turned to look over at Jaehyun who’s head rested on Jungwoo’s shoulder. He was fast asleep, black hair sprawled against his shoulder and video Jungwoo’s fingers gently carded through it, murmuring quietly to himself. “Beautiful,” Jungwoo in the blankets watched with watery eyes at the serene memory, watched as he felt himself remember what it was like then to be with Jaehyun, remembering how he got his idea for his film class final. 

DVD 34 carried onto a black screen transition that opened up on Jungwoo’s film class final, or the way Jungwoo came to complete terms with his feelings for Jaehyun. He titled the film ‘Beautiful’ in honor of how he saw him that night, how he saw him every day. The film started to the morning sun pouring through the blinds, carrying over to a smooth pan over of Jaehyun’s sweaters and tee’s, jackets strewn over his dorm bed along with his desk that was artistically messy. Messy to everyone else but Jaehyun could navigate it with ease, focusing a few on the photo frames of him and Jungwoo on the wood. 

The video carried onto another smooth transition of Jaehyun’s hair shining in the sunlight, a quick body pan down to his ratted out black converse against the sidewalk with his laughter filtering into the soft piano music bleeding through the speakers. Jungwoo wasn’t sure how he managed to focus on Jaehyun’s eyes so close, close enough to see the way the lashes seemed to be the focus of the screen while the sun exposed the colors of his iris’, different shades of gold or deeper shades of brown. Jungwoo also wasn’t sure how he managed to focus the camera on his fingers scribbling down equations on the lined paper before changing the focus of his hand up to his arm, going to Jaehyun’s face who looked focused but a tiredness lingered behind his eyes. The camera did a transition once more into the night in the dorm, moonlight carrying in the curtains, and it ended with Jaehyun’s smile being the focus of the screen with a laugh that seemed in harmony to the soft piano music accompanying it.

 

Jungwoo got off the ground and somewhere in between there, Jaehyun and Jungwoo confessed their feelings to one another. Becoming boyfriends, and as much as Jungwoo wanted to film that and have it captured, it felt too raw to be staged and too raw to be on camera, he wanted that intimacy saved for his memories only. The next few DVD’s were stupid moments when they kept their relationship just between the two, acting normal and like best friends. Sometimes Jungwoo would film the way their fingers brushed over one another and their small flustered smiles. It wasn’t until Jungwoo’s fingers stopped over DVD 57, he pulled it out and popped it in the player to watch it load where the camera was sat on the nightstand facing the bed. 

Video Jungwoo’s hair was messy, smiling into the camera, a bit breathless. Jungwoo remembered having sex before then, he wanted to turn on the camera just to record them looking so blissful, thinking the aesthetic of it all would be beautiful and he was right. Jaehyun’s black hair looked messed up as a pure bliss smile was on his lips, but he didn’t know the camera was on as Jungwoo curled back into his side. “You’re beautiful, baby.” Jaehyun’s voice commented, so sincere and genuine like he always did, it made a shiver trail up Jungwoo’s spine. “Be quiet Jae,” video Jungwoo quietly chided, and Jaehyun could be barely seen shaking his head. In all the videos, this was the first time Jungwoo got to record them kissing. 

Jaehyun moving to push Jungwoo on his back, straddling over his waist and leaned down to press their lips together, Jungwoo’s arms strewn loosely around his neck now. Video Jungwoo gripped into Jaehyun’s hair as they kissed for a bit, breathy little giggles could be heard now and then until they pulled away. Jungwoo’s fingers brushing against his cheek, Jaehyun pushing Jungwoo’s hair away from his face. “I don’t want to hide that you’re my boyfriend anymore,” Jaehyun mumbled, and Jungwoo could hear the giddiness in his voice in the speakers of the TV as he replied, “then we won’t.” Jaehyun rolled over and caught sight of the camera, smiling into the lens and whispered quietly, “if we’re watching this later, I hope we’re still together even then.” Jaehyun flashed one more grin before cutting off the camera, the TV flashing to a blue screen.

 

The next DVD was 112, Jungwoo decided to skip through the mindless moments of nights out with friends or Jaehyun waving at him from across the dorm room before crawling on his bed to smother him in a barrage of kisses. Jungwoo liked this one since it was Jaehyun’s birthday and it doubled as Valentine’s day, but Jungwoo wasn’t the one directing this video. He remembers having a long day at classes, working hard on his group project for the next semester and feeling so shitty about having to miss out on Valentine’s and Jaehyun’s birthday. 

“Okay… hi baby,” Jaehyun’s voice filled the room, the camera moving a bit too fast and it could give someone of the faint heart motion sickness, but Jungwoo’s seen this DVD so many times that he’s gotten used to the sudden movement until it stopped on a bowl of bulgogi, Jungwoo’s favorite. “I hope this thing is recording, I’ve watched you turn it on enough but yet it took me ten minutes to sort this out,” Jaehyun confesses, making Jungwoo giggle with water stinging the corners of his eyes. “You felt really bad for not being here all day and I have to admit, it’s pretty cute that you got really worked up over my birthday. It’s not a big deal, but Valentine’s day is always better when it comes to dinner I think, so,” he panned over the food. 

It was two bowls of bulgogi and vanilla cream puffs with two soju bottles with condensation along the sides of the glass. “I hope you like this, also I can’t believe you left your precious camera at home. Anyway, I’ll see you when you get here which should be any minute… since I know you don’t watch these until months later when the drive is full… I think I love you.”

The screen cut and Jungwoo reached over to pop out the DVD until moving onto 323, usually he watched all the memories in between but he didn’t want to see Jaehyun get teased into saying he loves him for the camera after he said it for the first time, he didn’t want to see them fall more in love before Jaehyun popped the question, he wanted to see them at their happiest. Out of 562 DVD’s, 323 is their best one since it was their wedding day. 

 

Jungwoo didn’t film this one as the screen loaded to see Jaehyun and Jungwoo at their reception. Arms linked as they walked their way over to the four-tiered wedding cake, their conversation wasn’t audible since Jungwoo wanted it that way but he remembers Jaehyun whispering in his ear how much he loved him, Jungwoo whispered it back too. They cut into the cake together, two hands on the knife as they tried starting from the fourth tier before laughing into one another’s hair and stuck with cutting at the base tier. 

Jaehyun had a fork in hand and fed a piece to Jungwoo while video Jungwoo did the same for him, arms linked against each other and Jungwoo may have not been able to hear them but he could hear their giggles in his mind as he sat on the floor with eyes fresh with water. The DVD cut to them shuffling out to the dance floor, their song was ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ by Elvis Presley. It described them, Jungwoo thinks as he watched them dance with their foreheads pressed together. At the time, they didn’t notice anyone around them and it was like they were locked in their own little world but now Jungwoo watches and noticed everyone’s eyes on them so captivated. Jungwoo could see what they saw, true endless love and it was pure, beautiful. Jaehyun dipped Jungwoo at the end of their dance with a kiss, their smiles were recorded on screen in the kiss and suddenly, Jungwoo turned off the TV.

The house was dark and silent, the only noise that was there was from the TV in the master bedroom where Jungwoo sat alone on the floor. He brought all the blankets on the bed with him as he crawled on the right side, Jungwoo didn’t sleep on the left, he never had. That’s Jaehyun’s side his brain likes to reason. He rolled over onto his side, looking over at the nightstand of the single framed picture of him and Jaehyun kissing with arms around one another. Tears rolled down Jungwoo’s cheeks, and the one thing he’s grateful for is that their accident isn’t on tape but he wished it would leave his memories. 

He tries with all his heart to forget sitting at that red light with Coldplay playing in the background. Jungwoo sat in the driver’s seat, talking to Jaehyun while watching the light turn from red to green. Jungwoo switched his foot from the brake to gas, pressing on the pedal and he didn’t notice the white headlights get closer until he heard a screech of brakes and a crash of metal only felt the grip of Jaehyun’s hand on his wrist go from tight to limp in a matter of seconds. Jungwoo didn’t remember anything about him, he didn’t recall feeling the blood dripping down his forehead or the pain in his neck down his spine. He could only remember Jaehyun in the passenger seat next to him with glass in his arm and chest, bleeding profusely from the top of his head and cuts across his face that ran deeper than others.

He didn’t remember staying in his own hospital bed since he constantly found himself in Jae’s room, watching the doctors set him up to a breathing machine as they ran their tests. The x-rays of a broken rib stabbing into Jaehyun’s lung, broken legs, spine just one stroke away from being paralyzed, or what’s worse is that he was in a coma since his brain couldn’t work by itself anymore due to bad brain damage. He couldn’t breathe on his own, and even then the breathing machine wasn’t helping since his breaths were so shallow. Jungwoo remembered calling Jaehyun’s parents, the looks on their faces when they came into the hospital and saw his body. His mother holding Jungwoo and both of them shedding tears since they knew that was it for him. They weren’t going to torture him by keeping him alive when in truth, he wasn’t even there anymore. 

Jungwoo remembers pressing his forehead against Jaehyun’s, trying his best to ignore the doctor there to flip the switch. His fingertips dragged against the slope of his cheek, thumb against his cheekbone as he kissed against his lower lip. “I love you… and I’m so sorry.” He whispered it wasn’t until then that the guilt of it being his fault Jaehyun died settled until he pulled away and wiped at his cheeks. A pointless venture since they continued to fall as he watched his heart go from steady to a solid line in a matter of seconds.

It’s been six months since Jaehyun’s been gone, Jungwoo gave most of his things to his mother but kept what was near and dear to him. Jungwoo slept on the right side of the bed like Jaehyun would magically come home one day and fill the left. He still wore his simple silver wedding band, he kept Jaehyun’s on the nightstand next to the framed picture. He watched those DVD’s every week and after he’d curl into bed and cry over how it was his fault Jaehyun died despite Jae’s parents telling him otherwise, that it was an accident and he had no control. Jungwoo curled with the picture frame against his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks as he let out a tiny sob, it’d be the first of many tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: kaihunnies
> 
> message me prompts!


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